The Adoption Journey

When the doctors told me that I was infertile and that they could not explain why, I was devastated. But God laid adoption on the hearts of me and my husband. After much prayer and research we decided to pursue the international route.

“We just got a call from Karen at the agency. There are twin Russian boys under the age of 2, who they’ve referred to us.” That was the beginning of the phone call I made to Greg on March 8, 2007. Russia typically gave blind referrals at that time. You were given no information, you just traveled blindly. So knowing that we were dealing with twin boys was unique in our scenario. We knew immediately that God was in it. Our first trip to Russia was the next month, in April.

The boys were considered “special needs,” and meeting them while talking to the orphanage director and the pediatrician was very stressful. We just wanted time with the boys. The entire time we kept praying for affirmation that we were doing the right thing, and we experienced the gamut of emotions from doubt to total peace on that first trip.

The time in between trips was tough. One of the boys got a fever and was acting lethargic but there was nothing we could do except pray. After bonding with them on the first trip all you want to do is be at home with your children.

Our second trip presented more obstacles for us. We had to appear in court to petition for the boys. Information contained in our dossier was outright rejected by the prosecutor and judge. It became a battle of proving our worthiness to them. We spent hours in court. After three and a half weeks in and out of courtrooms and hospital rooms, it came down to the Russian Federation prosecutor approving us. So much seemed stacked against us.

Our hearts grew more and more toward our boys but there was the potential to go back home without them—a crushing thought.

We had their rooms already made up and they had already moved into our hearts. We spent that last night on our knees in our hotel giving everything over to the Lord and asking for the strength to accept his will whatever it might be.

In the morning the prosecutor did a one-eighty. The court session was remarkably short. We had our boys!

Greg and I have found there is a spiritual war waging with adoptions. When you commit to adopt, just be prepared for battle because Satan does not want these kids in homes. There has always been a battle for the lives of little ones. From parents mindlessly sacrificing their children to Molech (god of the Ammonites) in the Old Testament to the New Testament, you can see the battle for children, and I think we are still battling for the lives of children. And I think the church has to stand up and fight for these little ones. It’s going to be painful, and it’s going to hurt. You’re going to come to the point where there’s nothing in your power that you can do. It’s total reliance on God.

For me, sitting in a Russian hotel room just totally desperate for God to do what I can’t do, and then Greg asked me the question—I remember we were sitting there and praying, and Greg asked me, “Beck, if we leave here without the boys, will you still love God?” It made me question even my faith. Am I going to love God even in these hard times?

We did make it home with our beautiful boys. But home does not automatically make everything okay. The transition for the boys was tough, especially on me being home alone all day with them while Greg worked. But that also had an alienating affect for Greg. For about a year the boys would not go to him when they were hurt, just because he was not around and I was giving them the bulk of the attention.

Toys were another adjustment for them. They’d never had their own toys before; they were overwhelmed. We had to teach them how to play with them. On top of that they were very demanding, and that was difficult for the first few months. One of the boys craved constant attention, wanting me to hold him all the time, while the other one avoided affection. If he injured himself he would just suck his thumb and rock himself; he didn’t know how to cry. We made it a point to hold him as much as possible, showing him affection whenever we could. The whole transition into our family was traumatic for them, but we all came out the other side so close and united. They’re doing great now!

But no matter how tough the transition we knew that God was in it all and that just as he had to take us around the world to find our boys, he would carry us through this tough first stage.